Deep in the bowels of government research labs and financial institution basements, two technological elder gods slumber restlessly – FORTRAN and COBOL, the programming equivalents of mummies that refuse to stay in their tombs. These linguistic relics from the dawn[…]↓ Read the rest of this entry…
Every school cafeteria operates as a thriving black market where USDA-approved meals go to die, and the currency of choice is anything neon-colored, vacuum-sealed, and nutritionally void. Parents may pack lunches with the precision of a Michelin-starred chef—organic apple slices[…]↓ Read the rest of this entry…
Gone are the simple days when the Elf on the Shelf was just a creepy doll that moved around your house—now it’s a full-blown IoT surveillance device running on AWS, turning Christmas into a dystopian reality show where Santa plays[…]↓ Read the rest of this entry…