Likely Normal

Operating systems are like a high school reunion—some are the popular kids everyone loves, others are the embarrassing flops we pretend never existed, and a few are the eccentric geniuses who only hang out in the science lab. Let’s start with the legends: Linux, the open-source rebel that comes in more flavors than Baskin-Robbins. There’s Ubuntu, the friendly neighborhood Linux that’s great for beginners (and people who just want their Wi-Fi to work). Then you’ve got Fedora, the cutting-edge showoff that’s always bragging about its new kernel features. And of course, Linux Mint, the chill, lightweight alternative for people who think Ubuntu got too corporate.

But not all Linux distros play nice. Arch Linux is that one hacker in a hoodie who insists on building their OS from scratch, then judges you for not memorizing every terminal command. Gentoo takes it even further—it’s like building a car from individual atoms, just to say you did. And Slackware? That’s the grizzled old-timer who refuses to change and still thinks package managers are for wimps.

Meanwhile, over in Windows Land, Windows XP is the retro king we all miss (RIP, sweet prince), while Windows 7 was the reliable workhorse that somehow outlived its own successor, Windows 8—an OS so confusing it made people nostalgic for Clippy. And let’s not forget Windows Vista, the cautionary tale of what happens when an OS eats more RAM than Chrome with 50 tabs open.

As for macOS? It’s the sleek, overpriced artist that works flawlessly—until an update breaks all your apps and you’re stuck in a Genius Bar line for three hours. And lurking in the shadows is FreeBSD, Linux’s quieter, nerdier cousin who won’t stop talking about how much better its filesystem is.

The lesson? Great OSes become icons. Bad ones become memes. And Windows? It’s the chaotic neutral antihero we can’t quit—no matter how many times it blue-screens on us. Linux users smirk in their terminals, Mac fans pretend their $4,000 laptops don’t thermal throttle, and the ghosts of Windows ME whisper, Never forget.

Shoutouts and Honorable Mention

• Shoutout to Debian, the OG stable king, and Kali Linux, the OS that makes you feel like a hacker even if you’re just Googling “how to exit Vim.”
• Honorable mention: Windows 2000, the professional-grade OS that was somehow more stable than its consumer siblings. Proof that Microsoft could do it right… when it felt like it.