Likely Normal

I feel like when I use chatbot support, my cry for help is met with the enthusiasm of a sleep-deprived intern copy-pasting from a manual written in 2003. You type “My account is broken”, and it cheerfully responds, “Please log in and send us your support code,” like it’s just discovered philosophy.

The real comedy starts when the bot almost understands you. “I can’t log in!” you plead, and it helpfully suggests “updating your password”—by sending you a link to a 1997 Geocities page about actual passwords (the kind with ropes and pulleys). You scream “Human. Now.” into the void, and it replies, “I’m sorry you’re feeling human now. Let me connect you to… another chatbot.”

And let’s not forget the scripted empathy: “I hear how frustrating this is!” it says, in the same tone a trapped ghost might say “I hear you’re renovating my haunted house.” The pièce de résistance? When it abruptly quits the conversation with “Is there anything else I can help with?”—like a waiter dropping the check while your food’s on fire.

Chatbot support is just AI gaslighting. “No user found,” it claims, as you stare at your very real account. “Error 404: Sanity not found,” you reply, and honestly? Same.