Wizard Tech Support
Welcome to Magitek Solutions, the premier (and only) technical support service for the wizarding world. When your enchanted gadgets go rogue, your spells glitch, or your familiar starts giving you the blue screen of death, we’re the ones you firecall in a panic.
Common Issues (And Why We’re All Out of Vacation Days)
1. “My Wand Is Frozen”
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User: “I was just trying to cast Lumos, and now it’s stuck on ‘sparkle mode’!”
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Tech Support: “Have you tried turning it off and on again?”
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User: “IT’S A STICK.”
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Tech Support: “Yes. Wave it dramatically, then say ‘restartius.’”
2. “The Floo Network Is Buffering”
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User: “I shouted ‘Diagon Alley’ three minutes ago and I’m still standing here covered in soot!”
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Tech Support: “Ah, the connection’s probably throttled. Too many wizards streaming Quidditch highlights. Try again at 3 AM.”
3. “My Broomstick’s GPS Is Possessed”
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User: “It keeps routing me through the Forbidden Forest!”
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Tech Support: “That’s not a bug—it’s a feature. The latest update thinks you ‘might enjoy a challenge.’”
4. “I Think My Owl Got Hacked”
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User: “He delivered my letter to the wrong person, then charged me 5 Galleons for ‘express service.’”
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Tech Support: “Sounds like he’s running OwlOS 2.0. Downgrade him to a carrier pigeon until we patch it.”
5. “The Sorting Hat Won’t Stop Judging Me”
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User: “It’s been 20 years, and it still mutters ‘Hufflepuff… are you sure?’ every time I walk by.”
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Tech Support: “Have you tried unplugging it?”
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User: “IT’S A SENTIENT HAT.”
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Tech Support: “Then we’ll mail you a USB-C to Sorting Hat adapter. Next issue?”
Why Our Job Is a Nightmare
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Portkeys randomly teleporting users to the wrong century (“You said ‘Paris,’ not ‘Prehistoric’!”).
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Time-Turners causing help tickets to arrive before the problem occurs.
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Poltergeists unplugging servers because they think it’s funny (it’s always Peeves).
Our Secret Weapon?
The IT Crowd’s First Law of Magic: *”99% of problems can be solved by hitting it with another spell. The other 1% require tea, swearing, and a very patient house-elf.”*
If all else fails, tell the user it’s “a Muggle virus” and blame Arthur Weasley. Works every time.
(Disclaimer: Magitek Solutions is not responsible for accidental transfigurations, sudden dragon outbreaks, or existential crises caused by faulty spellware. Please consult your local alchemist before attempting to overclock your cauldron.)
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