Likely Normal

We’ve reached a point in human evolution where every question, no matter how profound or mundane, inevitably leads us to the same digital place: Google. Gone are the days of pondering life’s mysteries over a cup of coffee or arguing with friends about obscure trivia—now, the moment a question leaves our lips, someone instinctively reaches for their phone like a priest consulting the sacred texts. “What’s the capital of Burkina Faso?” Google. “Why does my cat stare at me when I sleep?” Google. “Is it normal to cry over a burnt grilled cheese?” Believe it or not, Google has a FAQ for that. Even existential crises have been outsourced—“What is the meaning of life?” yields 4.7 billion results, including a link to a TED Talk and a suspiciously philosophical Reddit thread from 2012.

The funny part is how quickly we’ve become helpless without it. Forget your mother’s birthday? Google Calendar remembers (and has already sent her a generic e-card on your behalf). Can’t recall if almonds are nuts or seeds? Google settles the debate in 0.0003 seconds (then suggests you buy almond flour). Even doctors now subtly glance at their phones mid-appointment—“Hmm, those symptoms are… interesting… let me just… ah yes, WebMD says you have three hours to live.” The dependency is so complete that when Google once briefly crashed, millions of people were left staring into the void, suddenly realizing they had no idea how to hard-boil an egg or calculate a 15% tip without algorithmic intervention.

And yet, for all its omniscience, Google remains hilariously bad at the things we actually need. Ask “Why won’t my printer work?” and you’ll get 50 forum posts from 2007 suggesting you “try turning it off and on again.” Search “Why am I single?” and it serves up ads for dating apps and a WikiHow article titled “How to Be Less Annoying.” The ultimate irony? The one question Google can’t answer is “Why do I trust Google with every aspect of my life?”—probably because we’re too busy Googling the question to notice.

So here we are, a civilization that once built libraries and pondered the stars, now collectively muttering “Hey Google…” into the void like tech-savvy cavepeople praying to a silicon god. The answer to everything is just one search away—except, of course, how to stop Googling everything. That one’s still pending.