Likely Normal

Marriage is a relationship where we somehow expect our partner to just know things without us ever saying them. We assume they’ll pick up on our subtle hints, interpret our dramatic sighs, and decode our passive-aggressive chores as declarations of love. For example, you might think, “I loaded the dishwasher and put his socks in the hamper—that’s basically a love letter in chore form.” Meanwhile, your husband is over there believing that providing for his family with the long hours he puts in is proof enough of his devotion. News flash: The messages aren’t going through.

The problem? Neither of you are mind readers. (Shocking, I know.) We fall into the trap of believing that if our spouse really loved us, they’d just know we wanted flowers, or a hug, or for them to stop leaving empty cereal boxes in the pantry like some kind of kitchen poltergeist. But here’s the truth: Your partner is not a psychic. They’re just a person—one who probably thinks “fine” actually means fine and not “I am emotionally compiling a list of grievances that will be brought up in a future unrelated argument.”

So what’s the solution? Gasp—actual words. Wild concept, I know. Instead of assuming your wife understands that your grunt means “I had a hard day and need a hug,” try, you know… saying that. Likewise, instead of expecting your husband to magically sense that you’d like a date night, try asking for one. Revolutionary, right?

At the end of the day, marriage is a partnership, not a telepathy experiment. So save yourself the silent treatment and just say the thing. A lot can be fixed with good communication.