Likely Normal

You spot a file named ‘Photoshop_FREE_NoVirus_Promise.exe’ and think, ‘Wow, what a steal! And so legally ambiguous!’ Next thing you know, your computer sounds like a jet engine preparing for takeoff, your files have mysteriously renamed themselves to ‘PLEASE_SEND_BITCOIN.txt,’ and your desktop background is now a pixelated ransom note written in Comic Sans.

Who could’ve predicted this? (Besides, you know… every cybersecurity expert ever.)

Sure, you technically saved $20 a month—but was it worth it? Was it worth the existential dread of hearing your fan scream like it’s being haunted by the ghost of crashed software past? Was it worth your antivirus popping up more alerts than a conspiracy theorist’s browser history? And let’s not forget the pièce de résistance: that beautiful moment when your entire system freezes mid-scream, leaving you staring at the Blue Screen of Death like it’s your ex judging your life choices.

The lesson here? If the download button is neon green and says ‘CLICK ME BRO, TOTALLY SAFE,’ maybe—just maybe—it’s time to reconsider. Because nothing spices up your workday like realizing your ‘free’ software came with a bonus cryptominer, turning your PC into a Bitcoin sweatshop.

So next time you’re tempted by ‘Definitely_Not_A_Virus_ISO.zip,’ ask yourself: Do I feel lucky? Or do I enjoy explaining to IT why my computer now plays ‘Never Gonna Give You Up’ on startup?

Stay smart, and remember: If the file says ‘Trust Me,’ your response should be ‘Absolutely not, you digital gremlin.’