Likely Normal

Datacenters are the beating heart of the digital world—cool, sterile, and filled with the hum of servers doing God’s work. But somewhere between the racks of blinking lights and the guy whose sole job is to “monitor the ping,” you’ll find the real unsung heroes of IT culture: the bizarre, vaguely threatening posters plastered on the walls.

1. “Unauthorized Access = Immediate Termination (And Possibly a Hex)”

Every datacenter has that one security poster that looks like it was designed by a cybersecurity expert with a side gig writing horror movie taglines. It usually features:

• A shadowy figure in a hoodie (because all hackers dress like they’re in Mr. Robot)

• A bold red “ACCESS DENIED” stamp that somehow also feels like a curse

• Fine print threatening “disciplinary action up to and including banishment to the help desk”

2. “Please Do Not Unplug This. Seriously. We Mean It.”

Somewhere near the most important server in the building, there’s a handwritten sign taped to a cable that says something like:

• “DO NOT TOUCH – THIS ONE IS SPECIAL”

• “UNPLUGGING = 3 HOURS OF YOUR LIFE EXPLAINING TO THE CTO”

• “YES, EVEN IF IT’S BEEPING”

You know whoever wrote that has seen things. Terrible things.

3. The Passive-Aggressive Cable Management Reminder

There’s always that one poster—probably created after an intern caused a 17-hour outage by “just tidying up”—that says:

• “A neat datacenter is a happy datacenter!” (with a clipart smiley face)

• “Spaghetti belongs in bowls, not in our racks.”

• “If you can’t trace it, you’re fired.” (Okay, maybe not that last one, but you feel it.)

4. The Cryptic Warning That’s Way Too Specific

Somewhere in the corner, there’s a laminated sign that reads:

• “DO NOT USE THIS DOOR AFTER 3 PM. BAD THINGS HAPPEN.”

• “THE BUILDING DOES NOT LIKE SUDDEN TEMPERATURE CHANGES.”

• “IF THE RED LIGHT IS ON, JUST WALK AWAY.” (No further explanation.)

Is it a joke? A leftover from a long-forgotten incident? A warning from the future? Nobody knows. But everyone respects it.

5. The “We Ran Out of Budget for Professional Graphics” Poster

This one was clearly made in MS Paint by a sleep-deprived sysadmin at 2 AM. It features:

• A crudely drawn stick figure being vaporized by a lightning bolt labeled “STATIC DISCHARGE”

• A pie chart titled “Reasons Our Uptime Sucks” (55% “human error,” 45% “gremlins”)

• The phrase “TOUCH IT AND FIND OUT” in Impact font

6. The Motivational Poster That Motivates Fear

Every datacenter has that one “inspirational” poster that’s just… off. Instead of a majestic eagle soaring over a mountain, it’s:

• A lone server with the caption “PERSISTENCE”

• A frayed Ethernet cable with “HANG IN THERE”

• A fire extinguisher next to “BE PREPARED (SERIOUSLY)”

Conclusion: These Posters Are the Real Artifacts

At the end of the day, datacenter posters are like cave paintings—left behind by previous IT tribes to warn future generations of danger. Whether it’s a stern “NO FOOD NEAR THE NAS” or a mysterious “THE WIFI GETS MAD ON TUESDAYS,” these signs are the glue holding civilization (and uptime) together.

So next time you’re in a datacenter, take a moment to appreciate the absurdity. And whatever you do… don’t unplug the special one. ⚡🚫