Likely Normal

Security updates can take forever. I used to tell my students that they would spend a great part of their lives watching progress bars. Progress bars are the digital equivalent of watching paint dry, if the paint occasionally stopped to ask, “Hey, mind if I restart your entire life real quick?” You click “Install” with the naive hope that this time it’ll be different, only to be greeted by a progress bar that moves slower than a sloth on sedatives. “15% complete” taunts you, as if the software is saying, “You could’ve learned Portuguese by now, but here we are.”

The irony? The more secure your system gets, the more time it steals from you. That “Almost done” message is a filthy liar—it’s not almost anything. It’s the tech world’s version of “I’ll be ready in five minutes!” from someone who hasn’t even picked out an outfit yet. And just when you think freedom is near, your computer restarts itself with the enthusiasm of a toddler avoiding bedtime, only to reveal… another update. “Surprise! Did you think you had things to do? Cute.”

By the end, you’ve aged three years, questioned your career choices, and memorized every pixel of that loading screen. But hey, at least your system is secure—until tomorrow, when the cycle begins anew. Pro tip: Treat updates like a spa day for your laptop—unavoidable, painfully slow, and weirdly expensive in lost productivity.