Likely Normal

The modern workplace is a bustling hub of productivity, innovation, and… people pretending to work while secretly playing Candy Crush at full volume with their speakers on. We’ve all seen them—the brave, the bold, the utterly delusional—who believe that alt-tabbing faster than the speed of light makes them undetectable. They’ll click with the urgency of a bomb defusal expert, only for their entire screen to freeze because FarmVille just demanded they harvest 300 virtual pumpkins.

This isn’t a new phenomenon.  It’s been going on ever since Solitaire and Minesweeper were introduced in 1990 and 1992. Some employees have spent more hours in Microsoft’s card suite than in actual meetings. They’ll lean back in their chair, squint at the screen like they’re analyzing the stock market, and whisper, “Just one more game.”

And let’s not forget the Minecraft Architect, who has built an entire digital empire during quarterly reports. “Oh, this spreadsheet?” they say, hastily minimizing a fully functional pixel rollercoaster. “Yeah, just… pivot tables. Very complex.”

But the real MVP is the guy who plays PUBG in the middle of a conference call. You’ll hear sudden gunfire, a hissed “No no no—REVIVE ME!” and then the world’s worst cover-up: “Uh, sorry, my kid’s playing… games… on my work laptop… from school.” Sure, Dan.