Roman Yelp Review
Yelp reviews are nothing new. Customer complaints and recommendations have been going on for thousands of years. Let’s take a trip through history to see.
1750 BCE: The Oldest Known Customer Complaint
The Evidence: A clay tablet from ancient Babylon, now housed in the British Museum, records merchant Nanni’s fury at copper supplier Ea-nasir:
“You sent inferior copper ingots and left me waiting while you went out to eat!”
Kicker: Archaeologists found Ea-nasir’s home filled with similar complaints—making him history’s first serial disappointment.
1st Century CE: Pompeii’s Yelp Graffiti
Preserved Petulance: The Pompeii Graffiti Project has cataloged real Roman gripes like:
-
“The wine here is foul!” (Scratched beside a tavern’s phallus carving)
-
“Lucillus owes me money!” (A timeless complaint)
Why It Matters: As Mary Beard notes, these were ancient “status updates”—just with more volcanic consequences.
1386: Medieval Yelp with Teeth
Brewer Punishment: Per London’s Guildhall Library records, a brewer selling bad ale might be:
-
Dragged through town tied to a cart
-
Forced to drink his own swill
-
Drowned in it (if repeat offenses)
Modern Equivalent: Getting ratioed on Twitter feels merciful by comparison.
1772: Ben Franklin’s Hotel Rant
The Letter: Young Franklin complained in writing about a London inn’s “smoky fireplace and stumpy bed.” Full text survives at the Library of Congress.
Legacy: He later pioneered the “public shaming” review in Poor Richard’s Almanack, calling out bad tradesmen by name.
1855: The Duel-Worthy Restaurant Review
The Incident: When The Times of London panned a chef’s “leathery pheasant”, the cook challenged the critic to pistols at dawn.
Outcome: The writer (wisely) declined, per British Newspaper Archives.
1929: Sears Catalog Rage
Archived Fury: The Sears Archives preserve gems like:
-
“Your ‘buffalo robe’ is just a hairy blanket!”
-
“These ‘indestructible’ overalls tore when I sneezed!”
-
Customers threatened lawsuits over $2 products—a tradition now thriving on Amazon.
1994: The First Online Review War
The Drama: When authors attacked critics on early forums like The WELL, it sparked debates about “digital rudeness” (Wired, 1994).
First Amazon Review (1995): For “Windows 95 For Dummies”:
*”Book didn’t fix my computer. 1/5.”* (Still visible today)
2023: Peak Review Absurdity
Verified Lunacy:
-
Grand Canyon 1-star: “Too canyon-y.”
-
Banana Slicer 5-star: “Finally solved my banana chaos!”
-
Harvard University 3-star: “Too much reading.”
Discussion ¬