Likely Normal

There’s a special kind of regret that comes with realizing your 12-year-old self didn’t think things through when picking out an email address. You know the one—the email you signed up for that was cool at the time but now just screams regret every time you see it. Yeah, that’s not what you want showing up in your email threads with colleagues, friends, or, let’s be honest, anyone who’s over the age of 18.

The early internet was like a playground where we scribbled our dumbest ideas in permanent marker, blissfully unaware that “LOL_ICUP_2005” would one day be the email address attached to your mortgage application. We thought we were being edgy; turns out, we were just building a personal brand before we even had personality. Now, every job interview starts with “So… about that email…” and ends with you silently cursing your younger self for not foreseeing that “PizzaLuvr69” might not scream trustworthy adult.

The internet is basically that one aunt who still brings up your cringe-worthy phase at family gatherings—except it’s every gathering, and your phase is permanently etched into every login screen. Pro tip? Start planning your apology tour now. “Yes, I did think DragonSlayer420 was a professional choice. No, I do not have a defense.”