Likely Normal

You can’t read a recipe for scrambled eggs without first solving a philosophical dilemma about data privacy these days. GDPR and CCPA went a long way to help privacy, but it also came with fallout, the nuclear kind. With its promised control came a never-ending carnival game where every website asks, “Hey, wanna play ‘Configure Your Tracking Preferences’ before you read this 30-second article?” The options? “Accept All” (aka “Do Whatever You Want With My Soul”), “Reject All” (hidden under 17 submenus), or “Customize” (which requires a law degree and 45 minutes of your life you’ll never get back).

The dark patterns are chef’s kiss levels of shady—like when “Yes, Track Me Into Oblivion” is a glowing green button the size of a truck, while “No Thanks” is a microscopic gray dot that might be a speck of dust on your screen. No wonder we’ve all got consent fatigue—clicking “Accept All” just to make the pop-ups go away is the digital equivalent of “Fine, take my firstborn, just let me read about cats in peace!”

So here we are: empowered by privacy laws, yet trapped in a hellscape of legal jargon and fake choices. The irony? By the time you’ve opted out of everything, you’ve been tracked more than a CIA suspect. Tip: If a website’s cookie banner has more options than a Starbucks menu, just close the tab. Your sanity will thank you.