Likely Normal

Welcome to the future, where your toaster judges your carb intake, your thermostat rats you out for midnight snack runs, and your smart speaker has definitely heard things it shouldn’t have. Sure, these gadgets make life easier—if by “easier” you mean “constantly monitored by a chorus of Wi-Fi-enabled snitches.” That “harmless” smart bulb? It’s logging your sleep schedule. The robot vacuum? Basically a Roomba-shaped spy mapping your floor plan for someone’s database. And don’t even get me started on the fridge that helpfully orders milk—and also knows you cried into the ice cream at 2 AM.

Alone, each device is just a tattletale: “User cranked the AC to ‘Arctic’ at 3 PM—likely napping!” Combine them and you’ve got a digital stalker piecing together your life like a true-crime podcast. Your smart lock + thermostat + coffee maker = a dossier that screams “This human leaves for work at 8:17 AM, hates Mondays, and absolutely will sacrifice privacy for the ability to yell ‘Alexa, preheat the oven’ from bed.” Hackers must love this era—why bother breaking in when your own security cameras will gladly livestream your Netflix password?

So yes, your smart home is convenient. But at what cost? “Hey Google, play relaxing music” shouldn’t also mean “Hey Google, sell my stress levels to advertisers.” Maybe it’s time to ask: do we need a voice-activated toilet, or are we just one firmware update away from it tweeting our bathroom habits?