Likely Normal

You know that moment of sheer panic when a website rejects your fifth password attempt while simultaneously demanding uppercase letters, hieroglyphics, and the DNA sequence of a rare tropical frog. Just as you’re about to surrender and type “Ch33zeLover77” yet again, a shimmering figure materializes in your peripheral vision. It’s the Password Fairy, here to save you from digital doom. This tiny, cybersecurity-savvy sprite exists in the space between your poor life choices and actually remembering your credentials, appearing only when your password creativity has flatlined.

With an exasperated flick of her wand, she transforms your pathetic “Fluffy123” into “Vibrant$Unicorn!Eats7Tacos” while muttering about entropy and brute force attacks. She’s the reason you haven’t been locked out of your bank account forever, the invisible force that stops you from using your childhood pet’s name (even though “Sparky1987” would be so easy to remember). The Password Fairy lives in your router, subsisting on expired SSL certificates and the tears of people who just got their 17th “suspicious login attempt” email.

She’s constantly frustrated by human behavior – like when you ignore her perfectly good “Chunky$Monkey53Loves!” suggestion in favor of something “easier to remember” (read: easier to hack). She watches in horror as you reuse the same password across banking, email, and that sketchy free VPN service you downloaded. And when you inevitably get hacked after disregarding all her advice? She’ll be there in the background of your Zoom call with IT support, facepalming as you explain that yes, you did use your birthday as your security question.

So next time you’re stuck staring at that cursed password creation screen, take a deep breath and listen carefully. You might just hear the faint jingle of cryptographic wind chimes as the Password Fairy prepares to bail you out yet again. Just try to actually follow her advice this time – she’s getting tired of saving you from yourself.

(The Password Fairy is a fictional entity and not liable for compromised accounts, password resets, or your continued insistence that “nobody would guess” your mother’s maiden name.)