Likely Normal

Every cloud provider swears they’re all about open standards and customer freedom, right up until you try to leave, at which point you discover their idea of open is more like a roach motel: you can check in any time you like, but you can never leave. Sure, they’ll happily help you migrate in—with fanfare, discounts, and a parade of smiling sales reps—but try moving your data out and suddenly you’re trapped in a maze of proprietary APIs, weird data formats, and fees that materialize like ghosts in a horror movie. “Oh, you wanted to take your 10TB database elsewhere? That’ll be three soul-crushing months of re-engineering and a small fortune in egress fees. But hey, at least we’re open!”

It’s the tech equivalent of dating someone who claims they’re not the jealous type, only to later reveal they’ve quietly been gluing your shoes to the floor. “What? You’re free to go! …Assuming you don’t mind leaving behind your apps, your sanity, and your firstborn child.” And let’s not even talk about those unique services they convinced you to use—”Oh, you built everything on our Super Special NoSQL WonderDB? Oops. Guess you’ll just have to stay forever!”

So next time a cloud vendor starts waxing poetic about interoperability, just smile, nod, and mentally prepare for the day you’ll have to bribe your way out with a team of consultants and a sacrificial offering to the IT gods. Freedom isn’t free—especially when it’s hosted on someone else’s servers.