Likely Normal

So, you’ve moved near a nuclear power plant. Congratulations! You’re now part of an elite group of people who get to enjoy perfectly safe, clean energy… and also some mildly bizarre side effects.

1. The Glow

First thing you’ll notice: the ambient glow. Now, scientists will tell you this is just light refraction or industrial lighting, but be real—you’ve seen The Simpsons. You know what’s up. Your cat’s eyes now shine a little too bright at night, and you’re pretty sure your neighbor’s garden gnomes are self-illuminating. But hey, free nightlight!

2. The Wildlife Mutations (Or Lack Thereof)

You expected three-eyed fish. You were promised giant radioactive squirrels. But no—turns out nuclear power is so safe that the local deer population is healthier than you are. They stare at you with judgmental, non-mutated eyes as you eat your third microwave dinner of the week.

3. The Mystery Alarms

Once a month, the plant tests its emergency sirens. The first time you hear it, you panic, assume the worst, and start drafting your farewell tweet. By the sixth time, you sleep right through it. The plant could be actually melting down, and you’d just roll over, mumbling, “Yeah, yeah, I’ll evacuate after my nap.”

4. The Local Conspiracy Theorists

Every town near a reactor has that guy—the one who insists the government is hiding something. He’ll corner you at the gas station to explain how the plant is actually a secret portal to another dimension. You nod politely while wondering if he’s the real reason Geiger counters exist.

5. The Oddly Specific Weather

For some reason, it always rains when they do maintenance. Coincidence? Or is the plant controlling the weather? You don’t know, but you’ve started bringing an umbrella every time you see a guy in a hard hat looking suspiciously at a clipboard.

6. The Free Heating (In Your Imagination)

You swear your house is slightly warmer in the winter. Is it the power plant’s residual heat? Your insulation? Or just the comforting knowledge that if the grid goes down, your lights will probably stay on? Either way, you’re not complaining.

7. The Tour Guide’s Nervous Smile

You took the plant tour once. The guide was way too cheerful while explaining how impossible a meltdown is. You smiled back, but you both knew—somewhere deep down—that if things went wrong, you’d be the first to know. And the last.

Conclusion: It’s Fine (Probably)

At the end of the day, living near a nuclear plant is mostly like living anywhere else—except your power bill is lower, your tan is suspiciously even, and you’ve developed an irrational fear of bananas (they’re slightly radioactive, you know).

So relax, enjoy the clean energy, and remember: If anything does go wrong, you’ll either have a great story—or very little time to tell it.