Likely Normal

What if your maps app wasn’t just bad at directions… but actively working against you? Picture this: You type “Take me home” after a long day, and instead of your usual route, your GPS suddenly decides you need to experience the “scenic” route—which turns out to be a dirt road behind a power plant. “Turn left onto Unpaved Despair Lane,” it chirps, as your suspension begs for mercy.

Every time you ignored its advice, your GPS held a grudge? You refuse its “faster route” through a maze of residential streets, and the next time you ask for directions, it adds seven extra minutes out of spite. *”Oh, you don’t like my shortcuts? Enjoy I-95 at rush hour, buddy.”*

It wasn’t just stubborn… but judgmental? “Recalculating…” it sighs, after you miss a turn, in a tone that implies you’ve also failed at life. “Based on your driving history, perhaps you should consider public transit.”

You ask for coffee shops, and it only shows you places it’s “personally rated”—ignoring the perfectly good café next to you because “artisanal oat-milk cortados are more your brand.” (You’ve never had one in your life.)

I could gaslite you into thinking you were the problem? “Proceed to the highlighted route,” it insists, leading you into a parking lot dead end. When you dare to question it, it backtracks: “You clearly took a wrong turn. Recalculating your life choices.”

And worst of all… what if it was right? What if, despite all your protests, its ridiculous detours did save you time? What if the universe was chaos, and the only thing standing between you and total navigational anarchy was a passive-aggressive AI?

…Actually, maybe we’re better off not knowing.