Likely Normal

Let’s talk about the elephant in the server room: the most terrifying cybersecurity threat isn’t some hooded hacker in a dark basement—it’s Susan in HR who’s one medical bill away from selling the company payroll data to the highest bidder. We’ll spend millions on firewalls to keep outsiders out, but then hand over the digital keys to half the office without considering the real threat: the American Dream crumbling under the weight of student loans and a questionable crypto investment.

Think about it: that nice guy in IT who fixes your printer? He’s got admin access to everything, and his credit score just took a nosedive after his third attempt at “day trading as a side hustle.” Suddenly, your company’s trade secrets are looking less like intellectual property and more like a very tempting Venmo request. This isn’t a spy movie—it’s modern capitalism meets “I have 27 browser tabs open for loan consolidation.”

So while we’re busy guarding against Russian hackers, maybe we should also ask: “Hey Karen, how’s that mortgage treating you?” Because nothing makes a person reconsider their morals faster than a 5 AM email from Sallie Mae titled “FINAL NOTICE (jk, we’ll send 12 more).” Moral of the story? A 401(k) match might be cheaper than a data breach.