Likely Normal

Fitness apps and devices are like New Year’s resolutions. They seem great when you get them, but then they can be annoying when they interfere with our established routines and habits. There is a frustrating disconnect between our tech-driven fitness goals and our actual lifestyle choices. Have you been there, buying that fancy smartwatch, thinking it’s going to inspire you to be healthier, but then the only thing that moves is your thumbs as you scroll through social media or hit the next episode button?

For me, using fitness apps is the digital equivalent of buying a salad just to eat the croutons. You start with such hope: “This smartwatch will transform me into a Greek god!” Fast forward a week, and it’s just a $300 device judging you for “inactivity” while you binge-watch cooking shows. 10,000 steps? Best I can do is 10,000 chews.

These gadgets claim to know you, but let’s be real:

“You’ve been sedentary for 3 hours!” Wow, thanks, I hadn’t noticed my own butt numbness.

“Time to stand!” Cool, but my cat is finally on my lap. This is sacred.

“Heart rate elevated!” Yeah, because you just startled me with that notification!

And don’t get me started on “active calories.” Dude, I burned those scrolling through food pics. That’s cardio for the soul. The truth? Fitness tech is like a New Year’s resolution—great in theory, but by February, you’re just lying to your Fitbit by shaking your wrist during commercials. Look, I’m ‘running’… to the fridge!

So here’s to balance: May your steps be high, your step goals be low, and may your watch finally accept that “horizontal yoga” (aka napping) is also self-care. Remember: Strong body = strong mind. But strong snack game = strong happiness.