Likely Normal

Remember when Xbox achievements first launched, and unlocking one actually meant something? That satisfying bloop noise wasn’t just a sound—it was a badge of honor, proof that you’d pulled off something legitimately impressive, like beating Halo on Legendary or surviving a Dark Souls boss without throwing your controller through the drywall. Those early achievements were like digital medals, awarded only to the most dedicated gamers. Now? You get a trophy for starting the game. You earn an achievement for pressing the A button. Pretty soon, we’ll unlock a platinum award just for waking up in the morning—“Congratulations! You Got Out of Bed!”

Somewhere along the way, achievements went from being a mark of skill to a participation ribbon for simply showing up. Modern games hand them out like Halloween candy—“You walked forward! Here’s 10 Gamerscore!” “You opened a menu! Have an achievement!” “You breathed autonomously for 24 hours! Diamond Trophy Unlocked!” The bar has sunk so low that we’re basically getting rewarded for not turning off the console in frustration. And don’t even get me started on mobile games, where you can earn “Prestige Level 100” just by mindlessly tapping the screen while half-asleep.

The worst part? We’ve all fallen for it. We see that little notification pop up and—despite knowing it’s completely meaningless—we still get that tiny dopamine hit. “Oh sweet, I got the ‘Listened to the Opening Cutscene’ achievement!” It’s like being congratulated for remembering to put on pants before leaving the house. Achievements used to be bragging rights; now they’re just a sad reminder of how easily pleased we’ve become.

So here’s to the golden age of real achievements—back when earning one actually required effort, skill, or at least a willingness to sacrifice sleep and personal hygiene. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go collect my “Successfully Booted Up the Console Without Crying” badge. It’s not much, but hey—a win’s a win.