Likely Normal

Folks, we live in strange times. Once upon a day, if you asked someone how many genders there were, they’d say “Two: male and female, just like the God and basic biology intended.” But now? Oh boy. Now we’ve got so many genders that even Google’s autocomplete gets exhausted trying to list them all.

I’m not here to hate. I’m just here to ask the real questions, like: When did gender become a Build-A-Bear Workshop? You walk in, pick a personality, stuff it with pronouns, and suddenly—boom!—you’re “Demiflux Pangender Moonkin” or whatever the kids are calling it these days.

Now, don’t get me wrong—I respect people’s right to live how they want. But you cross the line when you expect everyone else to accept your delusions. At home, you can be a fairy or a werewolf, but when you come to work, you have to pick the men’s or the women’s room.

The Great Gender Expansion Pack

Back in my day, you were a boy or a girl, and that was that. If little Timmy wanted to play with dolls, we just called him “artsy,” if we’re being nice. If Susie preferred climbing trees to tea parties, we said she was “tomboyish.” Nobody needed a PhD in Gender Studies to figure it out.

But now? Oh no. Now we’ve got:

• “Non-binary” (which, as far as I can tell, means you identify as “an error message”)
• “Genderfluid” (so you’re like a human lava lamp?)
• “Two-Spirit” (which, historically, was a Native American concept—but now suburban white kids in Portland have adopted it because “vibes”)
• “Xenogender” (identifying as “not of this earth,” which, honestly, tracks for some people I’ve met)
• My personal favorite: “Attack Helicopter.” Does anyone know what this is?

The Pronoun Wars

Now, pronouns used to be simple: he, she, maybe “they” if you were being vague. But today? Oh-ho-ho. Now we’ve got:

• Ze/Zir (for when “they” just isn’t confusing enough)
• Fae/Faer (for people who identify as woodland sprites)
• It/Its (which, last I checked, was how we referred to haunted toasters)

I tried using “Your Majesty” and “The Amazing,” as my pronouns once, just to see if anyone would play along. Shockingly, social media did not list those as options.

The Real Question: Who’s Keeping Score?

At this point, I half-expect the Gender Council to release a new update every season, like some kind of woke software patch. “Version 4.7 now includes ‘Stargender’ and ‘Breadgender’—please respect all identities or face Facebook cancellation.”

Can we at least admit that some of this is getting silly? If gender is now a spectrum as wide as the Milky Way, then I’m reclaiming my right to identify as “a man who just wants to grill in peace.”

Final Thought

In the end, maybe we should all take a deep breath and remember the wise words of Ron Swanson: “The whole point of this country is that you can do whatever you want… as long as you don’t bother anyone else.”

So go forth, be your “Cloudgender Mothkin Self” if you must—just don’t get mad when the rest of us still call you a girl with her head in the clouds.