Likely Normal

Welcome to the Crypto Zoo, the only place where the exhibits are louder than the visitors and the “assets” keep trying to escape their cages. Over in the Bitcoin enclosure, a grimy miner rattles the bars, shouting “Just let me explain proof-of-work one more time!” while furiously melting an ice sculpture with a gaming laptop. The sign above him reads “WARNING: Consumes more energy than Portugal.”

Next door, the Bored Ape NFT scratches itself against the glass, occasionally pausing to flash its “Proof of ownership” tattoo at bewildered onlookers. “He thinks he’s worth 3 ETH,” sighs the zookeeper, shaking a bag of “Exposure Bucks” to distract it. “Don’t make eye contact or he’ll try to sell you a metaverse timeshare.”

The real menace, though, is the Dogecoin Shiba Inu. It’s not even in a cage—just roaming freely, peeing on every “To the moon!” poster while the zookeeper desperately chases it with a rolled-up WSJ. “Bad DOGE! We talked about this! Elon Musk isn’t coming back!”

A family pauses at the “Stablecoins” exhibit. “Mom, can we pet the Tether?” whines a kid. “NO,” snaps the zookeeper, slapping away tiny hands. “They look tame, but one wrong move and—poof—suddenly they’re backed by IOUs and prayers.”

As the tour wraps up, the zookeeper eyes a shadowy new pen under construction. “Ah, that’s for the AI tokens,” he mutters. “They keep promising to revolutionize everything but mostly just make the apes angsty.” He tosses a single “Utility Token” into the enclosure. The hype beasts descend into chaos.

Moral of the story? You can look, you can laugh, but for the love of Satoshi, don’t feed the hype. (Unless you like explaining to your spouse why the mortgage is now in meme coins.)

Exit through the gift shop—all purchases final, no refunds, transactions irreversible