Likely Normal

You’re seconds away from finally beating that impossible level in Super Mario Bros., fingers cramping from hours of attempts, when suddenly – disaster strikes. Mario takes an unexpected leap directly into a bottomless pit. But here’s the crucial point: this was absolutely, positively not your mistake. The evidence clearly shows this was the fault of your “defective” controller, which mysteriously developed input lag at the worst possible moment.

Any true Nintendo fan knows the first rule of gaming: victory is yours to claim, but failure is always the equipment’s fault. Those Joy-Cons? Obviously drifting again – your character moved on their own accord. That missed jump in Donkey Kong? The A button clearly didn’t register your perfectly timed press. The humiliating loss to your little cousin in Smash Bros.? The TV’s input lag was at least a full second – maybe two. And let’s not even discuss how the sunlight glaring off the screen made it physically impossible to see that incoming attack.

The excuses evolve beautifully when playing with friends. Your crushing defeat in Mario Kart? You were “just testing different strategies.” That embarrassing wipeout in Zelda? You were “experimenting with the game’s physics engine.” The tragic last-place finish in Mario Party? You were actually conducting an advanced sociological study on how humans react to blatant RNG injustice.

Even the environment conspires against your Nintendo prowess. The dog chose that exact moment to demand attention. Your snack suddenly needed urgent repositioning. Someone definitely bumped the table. That one friend who “always gets lucky” clearly has a modded controller – you saw the YouTube video proving it happens.

At its core, this isn’t about making excuses – it’s about maintaining the sacred truth that we’re all secretly gaming prodigies, held back only by faulty technology and cosmic misfortune. So the next time you fail that same jump for the 47th time, remember: the problem was never you. It was always the controller. Probably. Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to angrily recalibrate my Joy-Cons… again.