Those Whom Tech Has Joined Shall Never Be Separated
Ah, the good ol’ days—when “going offline” meant literally walking away instead of frantically toggling half a dozen “Do Not Disturb” settings while your phone laughs at you. “Silence? In this economy?”
Now? My smartwatch judges my REM cycle like a drill sergeant: “Oh, sleeping? Cool, cool. Just gonna buzz you about your step count. And the weather. And a tweet from 2012.” Thanks, tech. Really feeling the “smart” in smartwatch right now.
We used to fear missing calls. Now we fear missing nothing—because our devices blast us with notifications like:
“URGENT: Your cousin’s neighbor’s dog just joined LinkedIn.”
“You breathed 3% less efficiently at 2:37 AM. PANIC?”
The irony? We paid actual money for these digital leashes. “But it tracks my hydration!” Yeah, and my anxiety.
So tonight, I’m rebelling. My phone’s getting tossed in a drawer like it’s 1999. “Where’d he go?” Idk, ask my blissful silence.
(…Unless there’s a text. Then vibrate twice. I’m not a monster.) 😅
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