Likely Normal

If the internet had a VIP section for data harvesting, the most valuable patrons wouldn’t be the influencers, the conspiracy theorists, or the terminally online hot-take artists. No, the real goldmine is boring people. The ones whose search history is just a relentless parade of “best dishwasher detergent 2024” and “how to unclog a sink”. The ones whose YouTube recommendations are 90% “Excel pivot table tutorials” and “unboxing my new vacuum seal bags”. These people are the unsung cash cows of the surveillance economy, and here’s why:

1. Their Data Is Reliable (and Dull)

Boring people don’t have chaotic, unpredictable browsing habits. They’re not googling “how to fake your own death” at 3 AM or falling down Flat Earth rabbit holes. No, their searches are methodical, repetitive, and extremely monetizable. “Best interest rates for savings accounts”? That’s a banker’s dream. “Orthopedic shoes for plantar fasciitis”? The ad algorithms weep with joy. They’re not hiding anything—unless you count their secret Pinterest board “Cozy Throw Pillow Ideas”, which is basically a neon sign screaming “TARGET ME WITH HOME GOODS ADS.”

2. They Click on EVERY Ad

Exciting people use ad blockers. Boring people? They’re out here genuinely considering that “One Weird Trick to Lower Your Electric Bill” because, hey, they’ve got time to read the fine print. They’re the reason your grandma gets 37 emails a day about reverse mortgages and miracle arthritis creams. They’re not skeptical; they’re optimistic. “This ‘As Seen on TV’ potato peeler might actually be different!” (Spoiler: It’s not.)

3. Their Social Media Is a Data Miner’s Paradise

While the rest of us post cryptic memes and rage-tweet about politics, boring people are uploading content: photos of their immaculate lawn, updates about their HVAC maintenance, and 14-part reviews of their new “ergonomic office chair.” No irony, no sarcasm—just pure, unfiltered consumerism. Facebook’s AI doesn’t need to guess what they’ll buy next; they’re basically handing the algorithm a shopping list titled “Please Sell Me More of This.”

4. They’re the Reason Your Recommendations Are So Basic

Ever wonder why Netflix keeps suggesting “British Baking Show” even though you only watch true crime? Blame the boring people. They’re the ones reliably consuming all the bland, inoffensive content that keeps the lights on at streaming services. While you’re searching for “mind-bending sci-fi thrillers,” they’re binging “Forensic Files” for the 19th time—and the algorithm loves that kind of loyalty.

5. They’re Accidentally the Best at Privacy

Here’s the twist: Boring people are winning at privacy—not because they’re careful, but because their lives are just that uninteresting. No government is wiretapping the guy who spends his weekends comparing “top-rated mulch brands.” No hacker wants his search history (“can you freeze hummus”). Their data is valuable precisely because it’s not scandalous—it’s just a roadmap to selling more storage bins and air fryer accessories.

The Bottom Line

While the rest of us are out here trying to be mysterious and enigmatic, boring people are quietly becoming the backbone of the data economy. They’re not hiding their tracks; they’re laying down a breadcrumb trail of “buy this next” signals that corporations follow like a treasure map. So next time you mock your uncle for his “Weekly Newsletter About Light Bulb Efficiency,” remember: He’s the reason your targeted ads are so unnervingly accurate.