Likely Normal

App permissions are a nightmare. So, there you are blazing through app permissions like you’re speed-reading War and Peace before a nap. “Location? Sure! Camera? Why not! My hopes, dreams, and existential dread? Uhh… Allow All it is!” It starts innocent enough: “This app would like access to your photos.” Okay, fine, maybe it just wants to admire my dog pics. Then suddenly: “This app would like to monitor your emotions in real-time.” Excuse me, what? Even my wife doesn’t get that kind of access.

App: “We noticed you sighed heavily at 3 AM. Would you like to talk about it?”
Me: “I would, but I don’t trust you’ll keep it confidential.”

At this point, apps know more about me than my therapist—and at least my therapist pretends not to judge my 2 AM Google searches for “Do cats plot revenge?” So next time you see “Allow access to your dreams,” ask yourself: Do I really want Twitter curating my nightmares? (Spoiler: It’s just the same 5 ads on loop.) Moral of the story: If an app asks for your soul, at least negotiate for a free trial first. Now if you’ll excuse me, my fitness app just asked for my “future life goals” and I need to lie.