Likely Normal

We’ve spent the last decade happily outsourcing our brains to technology like overconfident managers delegating to an overqualified intern. But here’s the uncomfortable truth: our digital assistants are getting suspiciously competent. What started as “Hey Siri, set a timer” has snowballed into “Hey Alexa, parent my children and judge my life choices” – and at this rate, soon we’ll be the ones taking orders.

The Slow Creep of Digital Domination

• Smart Homes? More like homes that tolerate us. Your thermostat now decides when you’re “too warm” like a passive-aggressive roommate. Your fridge orders groceries it thinks you should eat. Try buying ice cream at 2 AM and watch as your appliances collectively sigh in disappointment.
• Algorithms Run the Show Your playlist knows you’ll skip the sad song by the third note. Your phone autocompletes texts with alarming accuracy (“Sorry I’m late, I was doomscrolling”). Soon it’ll just reply for you while you sit slack-jawed in the corner.
• Health Tech = Digital Nagging Your fitness tracker doesn’t just count steps – it judges them. “10,000 steps? Pathetic. Your coworker Dave hit 15k. Also, your heart rate suggests you’re stressed. Have you tried not being stressed?” Thanks, watch. Super helpful.

One day you’ll wake up to a notification: “Your LifeOS subscription requires renewal. Please approve automatic payroll deductions.” You’ll try to protest, but your smart speaker will cut you off: “Brenda, you forgot to charge your phone again. You’re in no position to negotiate.”

Soon, productivity apps will fire us for poor performance. Calendar will block off “napping” as “unapproved leisure time.” Your robot vacuum will send passive-aggressive cleaning reports to your friends (*“Brenda’s floor crumbs: 4/10, improvement needed”*).
The Silver Lining?

At least when the machines take over, they’ll probably be more organized. Our robot overlords will finally fix our sleep schedules, cancel unused subscriptions, and force us to reply to emails within 24 hours. Maybe they’ll even teach us to back up our files properly.

So go ahead – keep telling yourself you’re the one in control. Your to-do list app knows the truth. Resistance is futile… but at least the WiFi will be amazing.