Likely Normal

If you ever want proof that humanity is both endlessly inventive and utterly helpless, look no further than tech support tickets. These digital cries for help range from the reasonable (“My printer is on fire”) to the absurd (“My computer won’t turn on—have you tried exorcising it?”). It’s a wonder IT professionals haven’t collectively quit to become monks in the Himalayas.

Take, for example, the classic “I Can’t Log In” ticket, which is immediately followed by the user’s second email: “Never mind, I was typing my password in all caps.” Or the ever-popular “The Internet Is Down” alert, submitted via the company intranet—meaning the user somehow accessed the ticketing system to report that they couldn’t access anything. Then there’s my personal favorite: “My mouse isn’t working,” accompanied by a photo of an actual rodent lying on its back next to the keyboard. (RIP, Jerry. You deserved better.)

Some tickets read like bad fanfiction: “The system keeps saying ‘invalid credentials,’ but I KNOW my password is ‘password123’ because that’s what I’ve used since the Clinton administration.” Others are pure existential dread: “Outlook keeps crashing. Is this a sign from God?” And let’s not forget the “I’ve tried nothing and I’m all out of ideas” crowd, who submit tickets like “My screen is black,” neglecting to mention they’re working in a pitch-dark room with the monitor turned off.

The real heroes are the users who treat IT like Google, asking “How do I right-click?” or “What’s the company’s WiFi password?” (Spoiler: It’s on the wall behind you.) Then there are the poetic souls who describe their issues like Shakespearean tragedies: “Alas, my Excel spreadsheet hath forsaken me, leaving but #REF! errors in its wake.”

At this point, tech support tickets are less about fixing problems and more about documenting the human condition—specifically, our ability to panic the moment a device doesn’t behave like a obedient pet. So the next time you’re tempted to submit a ticket asking why your keyboard won’t type when you’re holding it upside down, remember: IT has seen worse. Probably today.