Likely Normal

Let’s talk about the brave souls who work in the paranormal industry—the ghost hunters, psychics, and demonologists who’ve turned “Did you hear that?!” into a full-time career. These are the people who walk into abandoned asylums at 3 AM armed with flashlights, EVP recorders, and enough dramatic pauses to make Shakespeare say, “Okay, dial it back.”

First, you’ve got the Ghost Hunters, who treat every creaky floorboard like it’s the opening scene of a horror movie. They’ll spend four hours in a “haunted” Victorian mansion only to capture “evidence” that’s either dust orbs (aka “ghost glitter”) or a faint whisper that might be a spirit saying “Get out”—or just Gary from accounting snoring off-camera. But no matter what, they’ll nod gravely and say, “That… was DEFINITELY paranormal.”

Then there are the Mediums, who can “communicate with the other side”—as long as the other side is willing to be extremely vague. “I’m sensing a name that starts with… J? Or maybe M? And they’re showing me something about… a past regret. Or possibly a hat.” It’s like a cosmic game of Mad Libs, and yet, someone in the audience will always gasp and say, “That’s my Uncle Jerry! He owned a hat!”

And let’s not forget the Demonologists, who basically get paid to say “Yep, that’s a demon” in the most ominous voice possible. They’ll walk into a suburban home where a kid’s toy just made a weird noise and immediately declare, “We’re dealing with a Level 7 Shadow Entity.” Meanwhile, the actual problem is a dying smoke detector battery and a cat with a grudge.

The best part? No matter what happens, the paranormal professional always has an out:

• No ghosts? “The energy just wasn’t active tonight.”

• Too many ghosts? “This place is a vortex of spiritual unrest!”

• Caught faking evidence? “The spirits must have tampered with our equipment!”

At the end of the day, these folks are just trying to make a living in a field where the biggest workplace hazard is pretending not to be scared of your own shadow. So next time you see a ghost hunter dramatically whispering into the void, remember: They’re either uncovering the mysteries of the afterlife… or they’re really committed to their bit.

Either way, somebody’s getting a TV show out of it. 👻🎥