Likely Normal

Modern life and technology has turned many into exhausted raccoons, digging through the trash cans of wellness trends, desperately searching for something—anything—that will make them feel less like zombies. They have inadvertently drunk decaf.

The Great Wellness Debate: Namaste or Goodnight?

Option 1: Mindfulness (aka Fancy Worrying)

• “Be present in the moment!” they say. Cool. My present moment involves staring at my to-do list while my brain whispers, “You’re failing.”

• “Notice your breath.” Wow. I’m now hyper-aware that I’ve been shallow-breathing like a Victorian lady who just saw an ankle.

• Result: Still stressed, but now with ✨awareness✨.

Option 2: Meditation (Fighting Your Own Brain)

• You sit down, close your eyes, and suddenly your brain decides now is the perfect time to replay every awkward thing you’ve ever done.

• “Let thoughts pass like clouds.” My thoughts are less “clouds” and more “hurricane of unpaid bills and that weird thing I said in 2012.”

• Result: Either enlightenment or a strong urge to check Instagram.

Option 3: Sleep (The OG Reset Button)

• You lie down. You pass out. Your brain files away your worries into “Future You’s Problem.”

• No mantras, no breathing exercises—just the sweet, sweet void of unconsciousness.

• Result: Wake up slightly less likely to cry over a minor inconvenience.

A Scientific Comparison

*Unless you have a cat, a noisy neighbor, or a brain that hates you.

The Verdict

Why choose? Combine all three for maximum chaos:

1. Mindfully notice how tired you are.

2. Meditate on the fact that you should probably go to bed.

3. Sleep like you’re escaping your problems (because you are).

At the end of the day, whether you’re chanting “Om” or face-planting into your pillow at 8 PM, the goal is the same: survival.

So next time someone tells you to “just meditate,” smile, nod, and then take a nap. We all understand.