Likely Normal

You know the feeling when you’re cornered by responsibility, staring down the barrel of accountability, and suddenly, inspiration strikes? “Not today, consequences,” you think. The human mind has an incredible ability to conjure up excuses so flimsy, so shamelessly absurd, that they circle back to being almost impressive. Here’s a tribute to the worst (and yet most beloved) excuses ever uttered.

1. “My Dog Ate My Homework” (The Classic)

The granddaddy of bad excuses, this one has been around since the dawn of time—or at least since dogs realized homework tastes like guilt and notebook paper. Teachers have heard it so often that they probably imagine students everywhere force-feeding algebra worksheets to their golden retrievers. Bonus points if you actually bring in a shredded corner of paper and say, “See? He only left this part!”

2. “My Printer Ran Out of Ink” (The Modern Twist)

Ah, technology—the great enabler of procrastination and the perfect scapegoat. This excuse implies that your entire house operates on a just-in-time printing schedule, where you wait until the last possible minute to discover that your printer has staged a silent protest. The teacher’s response? “So email it.” Cue frantic typing noises.

3. “I Left It on the Bus” (The Unverifiable Tragedy)

A masterpiece of excuse engineering, because who’s going to call the bus depot to check? This one works best when delivered with just the right mix of despair and hope, as if maybe—just maybe—the homework will ride the #42 bus back to you by tomorrow. Spoiler: It won’t.

4. “I Thought It Was Due Next Week” (The Selective Amnesia Play)

This excuse relies on the idea that you, a person who has been in school for years, suddenly forgot how calendars work. The teacher’s deadpan stare in response is usually enough to make you wither, but hey—worth a shot.

5. “My Little Brother Spilled Juice on It” (The Blame-Shift)

A sneaky tactic that pins the crime on an innocent toddler who cannot defend themselves. Extra points if you add, “He was crying afterward… it was really traumatic for him.” Now the teacher feels bad for both of you.

6. “I Did It, But I Lost It” (The Schrödinger’s Homework Defense)

This one is bold. You’re not claiming you didn’t do the work—you’re just saying the universe conspired against you. Maybe it fell into a black hole? Maybe it’s in the same place as all my missing socks? The world may never know.

7. “I Was Too Sick to Do It” (The Health Hail Mary)

A classic, but risky. If you’re going to pull this one, you’d better not be caught playing Fortnite at 3 a.m. the night before. Also, if you were truly bedridden, where’s the doctor’s note? “Uh… my dog ate that too.”

8. “I Didn’t Know We Had Homework” (The Selective Hearing Gambit)

This excuse suggests that while everyone else heard the teacher assign work, you—and only you—experienced a temporary auditory blackout. Conveniently, this condition only affects homework announcements and never things like “Pop quiz!” or “Free pizza in the cafeteria!”

9. “My Computer Crashed” (The Digital Age Fallback)

A close cousin of the printer excuse, this one works best if you sell it with dramatic flair. “I was this close to finishing when—BAM!—blue screen of death. I tried everything. I even blew on the disk drive!” (Note: If you’re under 20, this last part will confuse you.)

10. “I Had a Family Emergency” (The Nuclear Option)

This is the excuse you pull out when all else fails. It’s vague, it’s serious, and it’s hard to challenge without sounding like a monster. The downside? If overused, you’ll eventually have to explain why your family has more emergencies than a soap opera.

The Art of the Bad Excuse

Most of these excuses don’t fool anyone, but there’s something almost admirable about the sheer audacity behind them. Whether you’re blaming pets, technology, or imaginary disasters, the goal isn’t really to deceive—it’s to buy yourself just enough time to scramble together a half-decent effort before the next deadline.

And if all else fails? Just sigh dramatically and say, “I guess I’ll just have to accept the consequences.” That’ll confuse them more than any excuse ever could.