Likely Normal

We’ve reached a point in society where people don’t just use photo filters—they commit full-blown digital identity fraud. That innocent little touch up slider has become a gateway drug to turning yourself into an uncanny valley resident who vaguely resembles you, if you were made of plastic and had the bone structure of an anime character. The original photo might as well be a hostage at this point—bound, gagged, and hidden in a basement while its highly edited doppelgänger parties on Instagram.

The most egregious offenders are those who take filtering to extreme sports levels. Their skin isn’t just smoothed—it’s airbrushed into another dimension, leaving them with the texture of a glazed donut. Their eyes aren’t just brightened—they’re supernova white, glowing like they’ve just witnessed the face of God (or at least a really good Sephora sale). And let’s not forget the slimming filters, which don’t just trim a few pounds—they warp reality so aggressively that door frames bend in the background like you’re posting from inside a funhouse mirror.

Then there’s the ”natural look” filter, which is anything but. It promises “subtle enhancement” but delivers “facial reconstruction,” leaving you with suspiciously poreless skin, cartoonishly rosy cheeks, and eyelashes so long they could be classified as wind hazards. The final result? A person who looks almost human, if humans were made of wax and stored in a museum.

The real comedy comes when these filtered faces collide with reality. You meet up with a friend whose Instagram feed suggests they’ve discovered the fountain of youth, only to realize in person that their actual skin has texture—gasp—like a normal mammal. Or when someone’s dating profile photo shows them as a sun-kissed deity, but the first date reveals a mere mortal who, tragically, does not have a 24/7 soft-focus halo following them around.

At this rate, future generations will look back at our filtered selfies the way we look at 80s glamour shots—with a mix of horror and fascination. “Wait, people actually thought they looked like this?” Yes, Karen. Yes, we did. And if you need me, I’ll be over here, adjusting my “subtle glow” filter to “supernatural entity” and pretending I was born with cheekbones this sharp.